Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
