Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
