Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
