I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
