im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
