Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
