Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've blown a few things in my day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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