Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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