I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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