...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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