She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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