you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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