i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
