I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
