I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
