I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
