Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
