dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
