um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
