I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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