So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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