I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
