his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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