if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
