I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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