Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
