Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
whose parrot is this?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
