Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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