I wish I could teleport
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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