Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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