He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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