So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
