i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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