It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
