I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
