Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
