i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
