I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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