can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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