Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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