I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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