ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
