were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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