when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
