So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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