Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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