$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
