The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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