Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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