Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
