ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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