I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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