Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
