Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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