so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
