I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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