My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
