I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
