anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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