I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this will be a night to untag.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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