i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
