Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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