You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
