I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
