But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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