I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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